The Dalmatian bath: Pomona's cottage gets a makeover, part 1

It's been All Go at the Cottage this week, the Lady Decorators are arriving on Monday, there is a man in my bathroom huffing and puffing and making a lot of noise, and the Fly Lady has flown out of the window. What can one do when the contents of Zone 3 are cluttering Zone 5, and yes, we did it on purpose . . .

How did those spots get there?

First casualty of the upheavals is the Dalmatian Bath - twenty-five years' faithful service and the Dalmatian finds itself on the lawn in the company of a Little Stranger. Yes, I do feel guilty, but the depredations of unknown visitants hurling hard objects at speed onto the surface enamel has ensured that the quantities of 'not me, guv' Black Spots and surface crazing are incompatible with the Shiny Standards now upheld steadfastly in this abode. (I say 'unknown visitants' advisedly, as when the said Black Spots appeared so mysteriously, it always turned out that no member of the household ever had any knowledge of the manner of their coming into being, in fact, they had not been into the bathroom for days, weeks, a month of Sundays? What spot, oh that spot, oh not me, guv, oh no . . .)

What have you done to my friend?

And so the imminent arrival of the Lady Decorators is preceded by our Friendly, Local Plumber with a heart of gold and an infinite supply of local gossip, head-shaking advice, and roll-ups (or is it rollies?), who comes out on a Saturday at very short notice in return for a couple of cups of coffee, a pound of sausages and an exceedingly small amount of Cash.

Accusatory glance from dog sitting on Dalmatian spots in an economical bath

If you are planning on doing a bathroom on a budget, forget the DIY warehouse where there is no one to talk to you, and also the discount bathroom warehouse. The plumber tells us that these places tend to sell poor quality imported baths which look good on the surface to a layman, but are not hardwearing, and even the permanent half-price clearance 'bargains' will be two or three times more expensive than from a trade supplier. Get your bath from a builder's merchant - a basic unbranded white bath (ours is made of pressed steel, I am told). They are very reasonably priced at around £100 (we said no to handles and dimples, although sometimes I feel that I am headed that way, such is my physical state), and the tap fittings are standard, so we were able to reuse the taps (which are not 25 years old).

Economical taps (very shiny)

Again, the most economical way to source taps is to go to a plumber's merchant which supplies the trade - there are always lots of jolly types to help and advise you. Don't buy the very cheapest - these are a false economy as the poor quality will not stand up to much wear and tear, but you can always find some in whatever style you like, which are robust but not over-priced, by looking through the trade catalogues and picking the brains of the jolly chaps behind the counter. Hugely expensive does not mean hugely hardwearing or best quality - like so many things, you pay extra for famous names, and if you have decided that you really must pay several hundred pounds for taps, there will be a manufacturer with some ready for you at your price point.

I rather like this one

Be careful about buying continental taps, and this is a point worth checking: in many countries water is at mains pressure (which is high), so their taps have built-in pressure reducing valves, which works well for them, but not if you live in an English country cottage where the effect is to reduce your kitchen hot water to a pathetic trickle. (It took quite a few £50 bills from a variety of 'helpful' plumbers before we finally learned from our Friendly Local Plumber that the Italian taps which came with our Habitat sale kitchen would never, ever work properly for that very reason.)

Bathroom waiting for Lady Decorators

So after those handy hints, I can tell you that I am taking a big step on the paint front. I have always been one for a bit of Colour in my life, but after many years of blue woodwork in the bathroom, I have decided that it is going to be painted All White. I can't do anything about the blue tiles, but I feel like I need a bit more light in my life, and the window is small and north-facing, so the reflectiveness of the white will improve the light levels (and help my ageing optics as I peer into the mirror with trowel of concrete in hand ready to fill in the cracks in my visage). The tiles are pure bright white, so the combination of powder blue and white tiles precludes paintwork in one of the dirtier whites - it would just look, well, dirty (and so, possibly, would my face), so maybe not.

Shades of white

There is also the question of the bath surround - the burnt orange pine was toned down with a bit of distressing on the last makeover (so you can tell how long ago that was), but I am on a campaign to banish the orange hues which pervade the house (I will tell you more about the orange next time) and there is nothing for it but All White. 

A basin just like mine in a Cabbages and Roses bathroom

PS The Head Chef tells me that he is going to paint the scullery while the Lady Decorators are here, along with five bookcases and a dresser. He has even bought the paint. I am wondering how far he will get and whether the Lady Decorators will have to be invited back to finish off . . .